another reason I left church...

The institutionalized mind f**king.

A rude way to put it, but I can't seem to find a more polite term to convey how I see it. The wrongfulness, the damage, the outright abuse of near strangers who used artificial hierarchies and power structures to justify charting my life. They took their degrees and positions and their interpretation of ancient words to tell me who I was and where I should be. They set themselves above me, they told me how to walk, they wanted my life redeemed as their crown.

I smiled, I submitted, I struggled, I "amened." I shouted, I danced, I raised my hands.

I nearly died.

Leaving was like coming up for air. I am still gasping and choking, but I am alive in ways I haven't ever been before.

I am as worthy to breath the earth's air as you. With my dirty hands and rumpled skirts and unruly hair--as fit to walk under the sun as you in your fine suits and haircuts and nice shoes. I have seen you since, your head held high and mighty and proud. I used to be impressed, but now I see the deadness in your eyes and I know.

I know that I am fully alive, and I know that you hated me because you couldn't take that from me.

It was never yours, you know.