Friday, July 28, 2006

another reason I left church...

The institutionalized mind f**king.

A rude way to put it, but I can't seem to find a more polite term to convey how I see it. The wrongfulness, the damage, the outright abuse of near strangers who used artificial hierarchies and power structures to justify charting my life. They took their degrees and positions and their interpretation of ancient words to tell me who I was and where I should be. They set themselves above me, they told me how to walk, they wanted my life redeemed as their crown.

I smiled, I submitted, I struggled, I "amened." I shouted, I danced, I raised my hands.

I nearly died.

Leaving was like coming up for air. I am still gasping and choking, but I am alive in ways I haven't ever been before.

I am as worthy to breath the earth's air as you. With my dirty hands and rumpled skirts and unruly hair--as fit to walk under the sun as you in your fine suits and haircuts and nice shoes. I have seen you since, your head held high and mighty and proud. I used to be impressed, but now I see the deadness in your eyes and I know.

I know that I am fully alive, and I know that you hated me because you couldn't take that from me.

It was never yours, you know.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

obligatory pic thread...

A few garden shots:

Aaron, Cutest Husband, and Danny, looking at something cool:

Here is what they were looking at, a very strange bird's nest in my rose bush:

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Reason #106 why I am no longer a fundamentalist

I have discovered that I would rather be with those who ponder the questions than with those who think they already know all the answers.

This life, this world, the very air we breath, is far too beautiful and complex to be wrapped up into a tidy little package and spoon fed in little pedantic bites. I would rather be seeking than proclaiming to have found, I would rather tarry in not knowing than to be so sure that I had already seen all there is to see.

This is my church for now.